I’m writing today because I have no other outlet other than my blog. I feel I’ve alienated, distanced or burned a number of friendships. Life has presented so many challenges and difficulties since I left Florida in October 2014. I tried my best to make it work in California and it did towards my last six months but I was presented with a proposition that the grass might be greener on the other side. I took that proposition, but it turns out it wasn’t. I can’t blame anyone but myself and move on. It was a terribly expensive and emotional move. I have buried myself even more here than I was in California. I take responsibility for this. The move was extremely costly and the costs kept mounting as time progressed here. Until I got to a point where I’m in the position I’m in. I will say life throws us curve balls and I usually catch them but this time my hands are immobile as is my mental state. Frozen…..I have NEVER been at such a low point mentally, emotionally, and financially. Yes, there are so many in my same position. And I know how easy it is to get to this point. (Illnesses, long term Dissability, etc) I could say I have no idea how this happened but I look back and see where I’ve made some choices that I now understand we’re not thought thru.
Now I find myself in a position where I’m two months behind on my rent, no auto, no where to go if evicted and really scared. Sunserve and HOPWA (Florida Social Service Agencies) are trying their best to help and I’ll have an answer hopefully soon. But what happens afterward. Lucas and I can wind up on the street very easily. I can’t even sleep in a vehicle since I don’t own one. And as I said I just can’t go to anyone anymore, I believe people feel they’ve rescued Frank enough and they’re right. So I’m lost. I’m at a point where what’s left to live for. But I believe life is precious and I value it along with my little boy, Lucas. So there is so much to live for but its just very hard to see thru that path.
I am very grateful for what Sunserve is trying to do and I’m very hopeful. I pray that I catch a break and I’m able to make some smart financial decisions for my future. Not sure if staying in Florida is in the cards, but I CANNOT make a move right now. It would truly break me. I’m not emotionally or physically capable, especially under theses circumstances.
In the past 2 1/2 years, I’ve experienced what it’s like to have pennies to my name, very little essentials in the fridge, needed food for the dog, personal items, and so many other necessities of life. Thanks to help of some we made sometimes. I have really never experienced this before so I had no understanding. I understand now that I can go only go up from here but again I’m scared.
Florida is a state that can evict you pretty quickly, but why put that energy out there. I pray that somewhere along the way I can get my two months covered so I can get this dark cloud lifted and move on to employment, cheaper housing, living on my fixed income, and making better decisions.
I know I’ve been helped by so many, but this is a time I’m reaching. My Lucas, myself and my mental stability need support. It might seem like all is good always, but I’ve learned to put a good face on. But homelessness and mental instability is real and it could happen to anyone. So I will do all I can to prevent it.
If you take the time to read please don’t judge, I’ve been judged so harshly and now I just need to build up. I have to start somewhere. Please comment if you choose via email ( firstname.lastname@example.org ) or IM on FB. God Bless….🙏🙏🙏