How much lower does one need to go before they hit rockbottom. It just can’t get any more difficult than it is at this moment. People say that what makes you weak and fearful is what makes you stronger and stronger. Please tell me who…..! And I don’t know where to turn to , no family, not a friend that could help, no partner. So I must rise myself up from this spiraling water tower I’m in. But I don’t know how. If I had an addictive personality I would be drinking heavily and doing some sort of drug to hide. But I still have to come back. Drugs and alcohol just aren’t the answer. So what is. My health at this time is not the best to go back to work or to even do odd jobs. so I’m really caught in the system.
Don’t get me wrong I love living in LA but I made some mistakes in the the past 7 months. Those mistakes are going to cost me for at least a year or so. That’s reality, I recognize that and understand. Los Angeles is the place for me to be, I have all the services I need for an Hiv male and then some. LA is an exciting city which definitely helps me feel young and always fresh. Age for me means nothing. I feel like a 35 year old. Again that’s the feeling I get. And yes I can grow old here. There is so much to do and keeps you young.
My Housing, well the building is great, but the neighborhood is BAD. Last night there were 2 rival gangs on the block I overlook just looking for some sort of trouble, It’s not the first time. I tightly closed the apt up and went into the bedroom and went to bed. Soon after, Lucas is barking and the police arrived with their sirens. I know this is temporary, but I am somewhat fearful when I come home at night, so I’m not out too much in the eve. So this just adds to my issues and problems, but I am looking and looking and looking. Things will look up little by little. It all takes time.