Life Isn’t Always Fair: 5 Steps to Accept Tough Situations. I wish it was thus easy for me.

1. Recognize the problem.

Right before I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder I tried to be everything to everyone. I gave 100 percent at work, I gave 100 percent to my family, and I gave 100 percent to whatever else needed me.

I came to find out that giving 300 percent is impossible. Something had to give. That something was me.

I had a breakdown. Several of them, actually, because right after I recovered from one, before long I found myself going back to giving 300 percent. I lost count of the number of times I was admitted to an acute treatment facility for days at a time.

At last I realized that living life this way was going to kill me. I couldn’t accept that I had an illness. I couldn’t accept that I had to slow down. I couldn’t accept that I wasn’t perfect.

Because of that I didn’t want to be alive. The pain of living with a mental illness can result in that type of thinking.

Sometimes we have to make a choice: pretend that nothing is wrong and then continually deal with the consequences, or acknowledge the problem and face it head-on.

2. Do something about it.

Once I accepted the fact that I wasn’t like many people who can handle work stress, be a part-time single parent, and do whatever else is needed, I grudgingly started making changes. I resigned from my job as a newspaper reporter, left co-workers who had become good friends, and started working at home.

I spent more time taking care of myself. I started meeting with a meditation teacher who taught me how to accept what is. She showed me ways to calm anxiety and ride the wave of depression, knowing that it would eventually pass.

When life changes, it becomes necessary to become aware that there are always more choices. They might not be the choices we want, but there are always choices. Open your mind, look around, and you’ll find many more courses of action than the obvious ones in front of you.

3. Let others help.

One thing that was hard for me when I was going through depression and was unable to do everyday tasks or even take care of my children was asking for help.

“I should be able to do this on my own.” “I don’t want to bother anyone or be a bother.” These were my thoughts as I beat myself up after I had to ask for help.

It occurred to me after awhile that most people enjoy helping others. It makes them feel good. I know whenever someone comes to me asking for help, and if I’m able to, I feel good about myself afterwards.

In fact, altruism is one of the main factors in achieving happiness, according to a book I read called What Happy People Know by Dan Baker.

Just think, by asking for help you may actually be helping the other person.

4. Take ownership.

After I sought out psychiatric help for my illness/behavior, I expected my therapist and doctor to make it change. I insisted they make it change. I got angry because they couldn’t change it.

“They weren’t trying hard enough.” “They didn’t understand me.” “If they would just listen!” These were the thoughts that I had as I struggled during the roughest times of my illness.

Finally I was able to grasp the fact that they couldn’t change it. At first it frightened me. These were professionals. They studied, worked, and knew more than I did and they couldn’t fix it.

Wait a minute. Then why even bother dealing with them? It was useless, hopeless. I wasn’t strong enough to handle this.

These were all lies I told myself. Because after eight years of therapy I actually knew quite a bit. I learned skills that had helped me through the darkest moments of my life.

Just like a teacher can’t follow a student around for the rest of his or her life reading books to them and watching over them as they write a paper, my therapist couldn’t come home with me and hold my hand through every problem I faced. She is the most supportive person in my life, but she couldn’t do it for me.

Eventually it was up to me to use the skills I had been taught.

When my anxiety rose to excruciating levels, I remembered to go to a quiet place (usually my bathroom) and breathe through the panic until it subsided. I learned that it wasn’t going to last forever, eventually it would pass and I just had to ride it out.

It’s important to learn skills from people who have more experience with your problem, but it’s up to you to put them into action. It will be scary at first doing them on your own, but the more you do it the more confident you will become.

5. Change what you can and accept the rest.

I was forced to make changes to my lifestyle in order to achieve and remain stabilized. I may have lost my job, but I gained a life.

I accepted that I have an illness that isn’t going away. There is treatment but no cure for bipolar disorder. I have faced the fact that I will have to deal with depression, hypomania, and anxiety throughout the rest of my life.

I learned coping skills and take prescribed medication to minimize my symptoms, and it’s made living with the illness bearable.

Acceptance didn’t make my illness go away, but it relieved a big part of my suffering as I became aware of the steps I had to take. I have faith that I will be able to live with the unpredictability of my illness.

These are five steps to accept you are not where (or who) you want to be.

Acknowledge the fact that you might have to come up with another plan. Before you know it, you may find yourself thinking about the past and wondering why you didn’t want it to change, because your present definitely works better

#PaulBostrom
#TinyBuddha

Where does your school rank?

Some good points !

My thoughts on a page.

The top 400 schools in Ireland were printed today.

Tonight I am wondering what exactly makes a school a ‘top’ school? Is it really, as these tables tell us, a school with the largest percentage going to University?

Since their inception I have been uncomfortable with the idea of printing these ‘top’ schools. My reasons are many. Among them is the belief we are comparing apples and oranges. Some of these schools have attending them, a majority of pupils who have come from homes where one or both parents went to University. For these pupils, going to University is a given, the only thing to be decided is to which one? These schools are then compared with schools in an area of less prosperity, where the majority of pupils come from homes where it is the exception if a child goes to University. Schools in towns a distance from college…

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Actually not recently, but today and at 3pm……!

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This is a friends brother who was apps 11 years younger than we were. We’re meting in West Hollywood is always fun. I did wake up with extreme anxiety and had a bad nights sleep. Several nightmares. And I thought I would cancel, but I’m pushing myself out. It will be good for me. And yes it has subsided a little. So I look forward to seeing this friend and it seems we a lot in common. He sounds like he’s doing really good. So possibly he can give me som pointers.

It’s really hot out, so I couldn’t take Lucas out. His little paws wold burn. These boys just love him when they see him, and he eats up all the attention. So off I go, I’ll keep you posted.

These colors bring some joy!

Doesn’t mean I can’t post and write about interesting things and still feel that way I do inside. I try to masque and cover, but really try to work thru. Who knows, what each moment brings. I still have challenges and they will not change for a while. So I can visually and mentally feel what this does for me.

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Evidently, Dads Who Work From Home Are ‘More Likeable’ Than Moms

A new study suggests fathers may have an easier time requesting work-life balance than mothers.

The finding is an exasperating twist in the debate about how to best support women who want both a flourishing career and family.

For years, advocates have argued that flexible workplace policies could reduce gender inequality both on the job and at home. But the new research, which is being presented Monday at an American Sociological Association conference, shows that deeply ingrained attitudes about motherhood may work against women hoping to balance a career and children.

The study, a survey of 660 adults across the U.S., found that women who asked to telecommute two days per week were seen as less committed, less respected and even less likable compared to male colleagues who made the same request. The margins by which respondents viewed women less favorably were not minor, either.

In the study, participants evaluated a scenario in which an employee asked for flextime or to telecommute for different reasons. Of those who reviewed both a man and woman’s request to telecommute in order to tend to tasks like picking a child up from a bus stop or daycare, 70% said they would be likely to grant the man’s request while only 57% would say yes to the woman.

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http://www.mashable.com

Apple Wins Patent on Transparent Cube Store Design

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Those dreams of massive cities full of beautiful Apple store-style glass cube buildings? They’ve been officially been smashed.

Apple has won a patent on its glass cube building design, effectively guaranteeing that the only see-through cube buildings you’ll see in U.S. cities — at least the ones that look like Apple stores — will be property of Apple.

Discovered by Apple Insider, the patent document reveals that the design patent, filed in October 2012, was officially granted on Aug. 26 of this year. It lists late Apple co-founder Steve Jobs as one of the design’s inventors.

Of course, radically designed buildings with largely glass facades are nothing new in the U.S. In fact, renowned architect Philip Johnson beat Jobs to the “transparent building” concept by many decades with his famed Glass House, built in 1949. Johnson’s Glass House has been lauded by architecture experts for the way it allows the “landscape to flow right through the house,” and has been described as a “wonderful illusion.”

Fans of Apple’s glass cube store on 5th Avenue in New York may say the same of the company’s striking, transparent structure. Apple’s Johnson-inspired designs are even more apparent in its “flying saucer” event auditorium.

But despite historical antecedents, given the number of companies knocking off Apple’s products and even store designs, its decision to protect the finely crafted look of its stores makes business sense.

Apple’s patent adds to the company’s existing trademark of its distinctive interior store design in 2013, as well as the patent for its transparent cylindrical store entrance design that same year.

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