Exercise woes

Interesting, good question?



The fitness intro and test yesterday put me into the usual dissociation. Crap. (I just spelled that carp, which is what I’m about to do.)

I feel so angry this has happened. I’m just trying to help myself feel better, and in doing so, this stuff is triggered. It seems unfair. It’s also unusual – it’ll be pretty much impossible to explain to the trainer whom I’ve now rashly signed up with.

This type of dissociation is like this. Feeling two-dimensional. Feeling vaguely sad. Unable to do tasks. Unable to sleep. I did take some benadryl, which helped me get four hours sleep, after which I lay in bed, awake like a zombie. No dreams. Ability to lie in bed for hours, feeling nothing, not sleeping or dozing. In general, it’s the feelings of unreality that disturb me so much.

I’m trying to relax. I suspect I’m fending off massive…

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