Exercise woes

Interesting, good question?

Tesseract

art.ht3

The fitness intro and test yesterday put me into the usual dissociation. Crap. (I just spelled that carp, which is what I’m about to do.)

I feel so angry this has happened. I’m just trying to help myself feel better, and in doing so, this stuff is triggered. It seems unfair. It’s also unusual – it’ll be pretty much impossible to explain to the trainer whom I’ve now rashly signed up with.

This type of dissociation is like this. Feeling two-dimensional. Feeling vaguely sad. Unable to do tasks. Unable to sleep. I did take some benadryl, which helped me get four hours sleep, after which I lay in bed, awake like a zombie. No dreams. Ability to lie in bed for hours, feeling nothing, not sleeping or dozing. In general, it’s the feelings of unreality that disturb me so much.

I’m trying to relax. I suspect I’m fending off massive…

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