I think I’m on to something. I’ve embraced what’s happening and know that it’s out of my control. Let it go thru the process or just let it play out. I know every day will not be like the last three, but I should look back and think of what was working. I know the food situation is not going to change immediately, the finances the same, and the housing. But but I do know that I didn’t need to take a tranquilizer in last three days. And that pleases me. I feel a little empowered, so what if the cable goes off again, I have my books, NPR, and so much to do outdoors with Lucas. So what if it takes a good six months or so to get thru this. At least I think the regular meds are stabilizing. And I’m able to get thru these days. When it comes to the food, I have to go a number of food banks and pick and choose what’s right for me. And not get sick like in the past. Right now I feel good at the core. I feel centered. Nothing really has changed except for getting a few pep talks from friends and my psych doc and therapist. I have accepted that not every day will be like the past three. I have accepted that where I live is for a little while longer. This is a big change for me.
Well I thought about the time I’ve spent being so invested and so low, really low and thinking I had no one when I did. I have some very kind and caring friends. This group, their hearts are deep. I was always afraid to share with them, so embarrassed, so I shared on my blog. Didn’t think anyone was reading, but they were. These are people just leading an ear, or caring on Facebook comments, and actually reading my blog. Sometimes really dire posts, when I get so low. That’s not to say that this will not last and rear it’s ugly head, but that’s what depression, anxiety, fear, is all about. I will try to deal with it the best I can. I have to think about my toolbox from my 13 week program. They helped me fill that toolbox. I have some really good coping skills that I haven’t reach for.
So as I said these were a few good days. So I’m embracing them. And who knows what tomorrow will bring.